I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
