Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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