I need help removing her.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
