Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
