pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
