So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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