on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
