so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
