Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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