Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
