So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
