Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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