On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
