I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
