before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
