i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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