I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
