I'll bet she douches with gravy.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
