Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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