omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
