Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
