It's like God shit irony all over that family
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
