Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
