How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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