I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
