Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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