I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
