I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
