We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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