i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
