i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
