if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
