My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
