Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
