just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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