Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
