I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize