too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
