If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
