I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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