remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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