I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
