We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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