goodnight i made you a song goodbye
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
