In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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