You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
