And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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