I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
