420 ftw
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
