My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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