Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
