my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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