remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
