I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Four minutes until I can fart!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
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Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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