i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
