hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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