Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Bring me that man meat
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
