If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
