If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
