we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
