before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
