I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just google imaged poop.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
