I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
