this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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