I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
