this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
