I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
