we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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