so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
