Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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