I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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