Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
