Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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