Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
